Truth and Lies about Filipinas with Foreigners!

Truth and Lies about Filipinas with Foreigners!

Kach Umandap - Howe Inspiration and Love Stories, Travel Blog 501 Comments

(The Real Life Experiences and Criticisms of a Filipina dating a Westerner)

no not from a farmer

No, Jonathan didn’t buy me from a farmer!

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” ― Earl Nightingale

When I quit my job in the Middle East to start my backpacking journey, aside from the other reasons and lies I was telling myself and people around me about why I wanted to leave my corporate life, I actually left because I just wanted to have more time to understand myself, to love me and just to be with myself!

Unexpectedly, during a few days exploring Luang Prabang, Laos, I met Jonathan! If you’re traveling on your own, you’ll meet a lot of travelers – mostly European, and being a backpacker you shouldn’t expect another backpacker to take you to an expensive restaurant –  oh and he’s British btw. After few months of just keeping in touch on facebook while I continued my solo backpacking, Jon and I decided to be officially together, and we’re now together for almost two years! I’m not lucky cuz I’m with a white man – we are BOTH lucky to have each other cuz we deserve the best!

Related Article: Are you planning to travel solo? Check out our DIY Travel Guides here and for cheap hostels around the world, check the list here.)

This is also for all the Filipinas who are being judged for dating a Foreigner instead of our Filipino men! Here are the most common misconceptions that I want to clear up – We would love to hear other Filipinas’ stories so please feel free to share your experience below !

Note: This is based on my personal experience and life story. I’m not generalizing, and if you can relate then awesome, if not, I didn’t intend to offend any of you.

1. I’m dating a Foreigner because I need a Visa or his British passport.

Yes, there are perhaps some Filipinas who have this reason but not in most cases! I was already travelling on my own long before I met Jonathan (well, I’ve met Jonathan while travelling!). Jonathan and I are both long-term travellers and us living and settling down in the UK couldn’t be further from our minds. We both want to buy land to build our very own yoga resort in the Philippines. In fact, Jon keeps asking me about how he can get a permanent resident’s visa in the Philippines. So maybe it’s actually foreign men who need the visa, not the Filipinas!

We Filipinas can also travel to any country in the world with our  Philippines passport so why would we need them if we can already get things on our own!? Ok, so they have more ‘free countries’ than us, but it balances out, because when they pay, they pay big! Also, if you travel in mostly Asian countries, having a Filipino passport has way more advantage than his, he has to pay more than me! UPDATE: We’re engaged and getting married next year! I will be getting a Long-term visa to visit UK but I’m not interested in getting a British passport or citizenship as what others are assuming because we don’t have any plans to live in the UK, as long as my future children will have dual citizenship then that’s great for us!

Even though some Filipinas might need their foreign partner’s visa or passport,  it’s their life choice. Why do you care?

2. I’m dating a foreigner because I need his money.

After completing my economics degree (in UPLB), I worked in the Middle East for four years before starting this journey. I funded my South East Asia backpacking trip with my savings then when Jon and I started living together, we always shared our expenses, from food, rent and everything (that’s the British way, in Tagalog “Kanya kanyang bayad!”).

Yep, unfortunately…wait for it…white people don’t actually shit money! Trust me, I’ve checked! When I met Jon, he had empty pockets and a $300 broken down motorbike. If I was looking for a sugar daddy, I must have been blinded by that magic white skin again!

When we decided to pursue our around-the-world backpacking journey together, we both worked hard to build our initial funds! I even had five freelance jobs at the same time in Hanoi, Vietnam as we wanted to save more than ever! I taught English, yoga classes to children and even handled the Marketing Department of a western-owned company while in Vietnam, oh did I mention that I won a Vietnamese reality TV show?

He works, I work. He saves, I save. Equal partnership!

3. I’m only successful because of my foreigner partner.

No matter what success we experience, people might still think it’s because the Magic white man got us here. I want to be modest here, but straight to the point. Do you really think we Filipinas can’t be successful without the help of any man or even a foreigner? Do you realize that you’re actually insulting yourself?! Well, if you think so, shame on you!

This website was started by me, Jon wasn’t really into it, but with a little persuasion he joined in and started writing too. Now people like his writing and that’s great! We both became yoga teachers and Ayurveda massage therapists because of my crazy idea of supporting our long term travels. All of my teaching, volunteering and freelancing jobs have been through my own research, resourcefulness, and commitment. So don’t tell me that we Filipinas just stay at home, waiting for our partners to feed us!

Even if someone does decide to remain at home to look after the family and home, that’s a personal choice which also involves a lot of hard work.

4. If he marries me, he will marry and support my whole family.

Well, hello! Again, it may happen in some cases, but before marrying their Filipina wife, the foreigner must already have met the family, right? So it was their choice if you still want to marry despite the condition! Unless they slipped it in the wedding vows without him noticing, ‘…to have and to hold, to pay Lola’s medical bills…wait, WHAT THE F#%!$?!’ Unlikely…

We don’t all fit the stereotype, sorry. My parents are both Professional; my younger sister is also a Dentist while my younger brother is about to finish his University degree. We are not rich, but my family lives comfortably, and we were brought up to be independent. Meaning, if you want to do something, you work for it, and you shouldn’t depend on anyone else to just give it to you!

5.  The foreigner is dating me because he needs a slave.

Aha, so being warm and hospitable and loving towards your partner means that you’re a slave? Oh that’s great! I wonder if these people ever stop to consider that these feelings and actions are returned by the man. British and most other westerners are  raised to be very independent. Most of them leave home at the age of 18 and up until then they do household chores; guys and girls! We share the cleaning in our house, but funnily Jon is better and faster at it than I am! Young western kids often have jobs when they are growing up, not because the family is poor, but to earn some of their own money and to get some real life experience and responsibility before leaving school. Jon even leaves the Do Not Disturb sign on the hotel room door because, ‘it feels weird having someone come and clean up after me!’

6. If you’re white, then you’re rich!

Huh! Not all White people are rich; this is a hangover of the American occupation. We’ve had complete independence since 1946 people, get the grip! Western countries have the range of incomes and living standards just like we do. If everyone was rich, who would clean the streets, or do menial tasks that no one else wants to do? Ahh western-style economics, making sure we always have someone poor enough to sweep the streets!

The only real difference is the higher value of their currency in the world, which just makes their own countries very expensive to live in and other countries cheaper to visit! But this only works if they earn money in one of the expensive countries.  It’s the same logic anywhere. And yes, poverty does exist in western countries, it just doesn’t the same impact in a news headline as a photo of a small brown child with flies on her face!

7. Only desperate Filipinas are dating Foreigners!

I’ve dated Filipinos before and was even in a long-term relationship with one!  It’s pretty annoying when people say that “if you can’t find a good Filipino then just look for a foreign man.”  This is also stupid; there are plenty of amazing, loving and faithful Filipino men all over the world. There are good and bad in every country; nationality has very little to do with it!

Again, maybe some Filipinas marry out of desperation, but this could happen in any country, not just in the Philippines.

On the other hand, if you told me that I was only with a  foreigner for his genes, then I might be inclined to agree. I would love our children to have Jon’s blonde hair and blue eyes, with slightly tanned Filipino skin…That might look a bit weird, to be honest, but we’ll let you know when we have some proof! We all know that most of the stars in the Philippines are half and half, perhaps we can make the next Anne Curtis, Sam Milby, and Alden Richards.

Well, I don’t know your reasons why you’re dating your foreign man, I’m dating this foreigner because I love him! Cheers to all Independent Women out there! 


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Comments 501

  1. Woooow!!! spot on!!!!! I am dating and in a serious relationship with a Kiwi man (New Zealander) for three years now and were very happy. We bought our house together ( share all the expenses/ mortgage !!! hahaha). I have a very successful career as a RN and when we started dating I was already in NZ and already processing my residency ( on my own hard work). Some people are “makikitid ang utak” and still stereotype a lot of filipina cause they are with a white man.Well, who cares, as long you love each other. Im looking forward to reading more of your posts, you are a great writer!

  2. I couldn’t agree more!! I’m now engaged to a foreigner(white man as everybody would say) and maybe it’s one of our culture to judge someone based on what they see..Lot of people say something bad but I learned to ignore them and continue with my life..My fiance and I loved each other so much and that’s the reason why we’re getting married soon after 4years of relationship..Mostly long distance cause he’s working in England while i’m working here in the Phils..We learned not to let others affect our lives..And yes, I am a professional Filipina, got a degree and still couldn’t imagine to be with someone aside from man I love..By the way, he’s French..:) So thank you so much for posting this..I hope all those people saying negative about us Filipinas who are dating a foreigner will see this..:)

  3. Hey Kach! I love this post! I am plagued with the same prejudices like you, because I also have a white boyfriend!

    There actually was a time that I had ‘haters’ messaging me, telling me that all the expenses I had were being paid by my partner, despite them knowing perfectly well that before I met him, I have lived managed to live alone by myself, I have worked in 4 different multinational companies, and that I hold a good-paying job. (So why would I need someone else’s money!?)

    It’s like they really want to prove that their prejudice is right–when it’s not! So I think that most people just find it a hard concept to grasp that us Filipinas can really be independent because there are a number of Filipinas who are legit ‘gold diggers’ who have really tainted our nationality. Anyhow, yes please, it’s not like all of us are after the white people just for their money, citizenship, or whatnot. Besides, If you ask his family, they’re actually thankful that I came into his life because now, I have influenced him into going for a sustainable online business (it’s an idea from my previous online job, and now we’re business partners for it).

    All in all: my boyfriend, Jonas, and I both know however, that these biases will always be there so we just brush it off. We know our story and we both know what kind of people we are, so whatever negative things other people have to say—we don’t care. Most of the time we just joke about it and it’s more fun that way. 😛

    1. The reality is, Filipinas only date white guys though. As a non-filipino male who has been to different cities around the world. It is a 1% chance to see a Filipina girl dating a non-white boyfriend — and it’s much rarer to see a Filipina date a Filipino male. Many of my friends in NYC who are immigrant Filipino males have a hard time dating because their own women only like dating white.

      The ratio is so strong that Filipina’s have a nickname “lotto ticket” and “shooting star”. For Filipino Males, they call the women “lotto ticket” because finding one who will date them is just as rare as finding a random lotto on the street, while other non white races call filipinas “shooting star” because finding one who is dating a non-white is as rare as seeing a shooting star.

  4. I have to agree with you all the way! oh well I just really need the good genes lol! and yea me too been working my ass out to compensate my travels. Great article, keep it up!

  5. My hubby and I have been married for 9 years now. We met online at an Asian forum. We were both interested in Japanese culture and didn’t have any thought about marriage at all. Like the other ladies here, I sometimes get comments that I’m so lucky I’m married to a white guy or that I wouldn’t be successful if I’m not in the States. It really makes me wonder what kind of thinking these people have. While I would say Im grateful for my loving husband and for all the opportunities before me, I don’t think I’m I’ll fated if I am in the Philippines or If I happened to be married to a Filipino instead. To me luck is the combination of hardwork and persistence, wherever you are and whatever circumstance you have. I grew up from a less privileged family, I was raised to be independent, I funded my own education. With a little help from my relatives of course, but mainly worked for everything. With these experience,I came to believe that wherever I’ll go, I can thrive.

    1. I agree with you Flo! I love what you said – luck is combination of hardwork and persistence, wherever you are and whatever circumstance you have. I can feel how independent and smart you are! I hope all women out there will feel empowered this way!! You’re awesome!!!

  6. I feel ya! I’ve been judged by some really idiotic Filipinos just because I’m seeing a white man and prefer dating Western/English men over Filipino men. My man is an American and my very first boyfriend (and hopefully, my last, too!). I met him online, on Oh My Japan (well guess, we’re both nuts about Japan!). We’ve only known each other for almost a year and plan to meet sometime this year. I guess I can understand why other Filipinos think I’m only with him for his looks and money since they’re plain idiots. But guess what? We’re only both 20! Where will he get money to support me? From his parents’ pockets? Not likely. I work here in Taiwan and he works there in US so that’s saying something, right? That’s why it pisses me off when other Filipinos suggest I ask money from him. Hello! I’m with him not because he drives a freaking car and his family has money (and take note, his FAMILY’S money, NOT HIS), but because I love him and he loves me. We already have so many plans (like going to Japan and living there permanently, getting married and having little munchies of our own) and we intend to make it happen. I’m going to meet his parents, he’s going to meet mine (heck, he even wants to meet my close relatives!). So to those who judge us Filipinas dating foreigners, you can all shove your envious judgements up your butts. Maybe you’re just all envious ’cause God deemed us worthy of these wickedly handsome and loving Adonis, who understand us well. Hah, take that witches! Lol. Good luck with all your travels, Ms Kach. xx

    By the way, this is my man. Isn’t he gorgeous? *blushes* Of course, I know you’d say yours is way more “gargeuss” but hey, he’s your man not mine. Ha ha!

    1. Oh Ellaine, gwapo!!! Well, you;re beautiful too so you both deserve each other!! I’m so excited for your adventures together, can you update me soon? =)

    2. You’re cancer.

      Look how you fetishize your husband for his looks .”Blue eyes” and “Blonde hair”, that’s why asian girls are literaly nazis and support white supremacists.

      grow the fuck up and learn to love how you look

  7. I grew up in the middle east and tons of my friends’ parents were half Filipina/o or Indonesian or what have you.

    One of my friends mum is always always dressed to the nines when she goes out with her American husband. One day I asked why she wears heels to the grocery and she told me that people treat her like his maid if she doesn’t dress up. Like yell at her to bag his groceries. I never thought about it that way at all. There are so many misconceptions out there. Another one of my friends used to get teased by this kid in our class who would say that her dad found her mum in a brothel and ‘bought’ her. Yuck- What a creep kid.

    Love this post though. Good for you for not shying away from the misconceptions!
    Also I’m going to the Philippines tomorrow for 25 days 🙂

    1. Danni, I agree with you, sad reality! I lived in Kuwait for 4 years and I tried to always make sure I looked presentable wherever i go, so branded clothes etc! That’s the sad mentality! =( Enjoy your 25 days vacation!! Where are you going?

      1. We start in Coron to dive, and then Manila, Bacolod and Danjugan Island for a marine camp, Siargao Island, and Bohol! I’m so so excited.

        I’m a little worried about the rain/flooding in Bohol but I’m so so jazzed. I’ve always wanted to visit.

        1. Aww!! You’ll have a great time!! If you’ll have a write up, please let me know!! i would love to share it to our readers!!

      2. hi Kach i’m working here in Kuwait for over 3years now, met my bf online and decided to meet up after a few months of chatting. he loves my outspoken independent fiery nature, and i love how he clings to my every word, never missing a beat. we get on really well surprisingly. you know what it’s like here in Kuwait, they think all filipinas are gold diggers we get stares-sharp ones with fangs, lol ! everytime we go out together, from all nationalities including filipinos. there was even a time where some bystanders literary stopped talking and pointed at us while we were passing them. and i got a really hard look from one filipino.

    2. That’s how people judge, the looks. t’s upsetting for some filipina because philippines is too rude and mean. I go out sometimes with filipino friends, and they will usually think it’s my driver or maids. If your a foreign looking person they will always think your rich especially if your good looking and they always think your poor if your not pretty or handsome. Even one of my ex employer before who happens to be filthy rich filipina some people think she is poor because of her look, she is brown and small and fat with flat nose, and the funny thing is they always mistake me as the boss or the rich daughter of someone going out with my maid. Even if my boss is already wearing very expensive clothes. Even her maids told me one time “our boss is ugly even if she is rich she don’t look like rich” that’s what they told me. I just don;t get it, I mean being ugly or ordinary doesn’t really make you poor does it? and some beautiful and handsome people can also be poor. I know a lot of ugly ordinary looking people that are filthy rich. I guess people here in philippines are just too obsess with beauty and they hate seeing ugliness maybe they can;’t evn look at themselves lols. i just think people should stop minding other people and just be busy with their jobs. That’s the biggest problem here in philippines, they always are brutal and judgmental and big mouth. ANd by the way if you are good looking and you wear fake jewelries and fake clothes they will assume it’s very expensive, but if you are ugly or ordinary looking they assume it’s all fake. Sometimes i really wanna laugh so hard when they think I am wearing expensive things, well actually I don’t it’s all fake. And sometimes it’s just stupid cheap ugly clothes anyways, they will even copy me and try to find the same looking clothes and later on will be disappointed coz it doesn’t look good on them ha ha. . but honestly looks can be deceiving really. I am not rich anymore i am out of my dads place and have been on my own, i’m not rich and my parents money is not mine and nothing to do with my life. People are just too small minds and they always judge how you look. But there are many rich people that are actually not good looking they are just too stupid to think ugly means poor. All kinds of race and all kinds of looks have poor and rich people, it’s just too stupid to think only good looking can be rich, or they assume if they will have a pretty daughter it will automatically be famous and be an actress ha ha. Besides people always hate the ugly actress but actually you cannot possibly make a story or a movie if everyone are all good-looking and the movie will just be weird. everyone’s character is important in a movie so it’s not okay if there is no variety. people are just too crazy to always want everything and everyone to be beautiful. Philippines is too judgmental and have so many weird judgement on others that’s why most don’t really improved on their lives because they always spend time gossiping and talking about other people’s lives and looks.

  8. If I have not met my handsome dashing loving young American husband, I’m pretty sure, I’d be an old maid. I was sent to the U.S. by my previous company on a business trip. I got the ten year tourist visa, After the trip, I stayed with the company for almost four years, just working not dating because being with a Filipino guy is just not my luck. Until the same company has to let us go because, the client we’re handling was sold to another company. To break the monotony of looking for a job yet again after being stable, I decided to use my free time to visit a friend in the US. She is also married to a white guy. While in the US, I met my husband. Thanks to Internet dating and God and my previous company to have paved the life I have now. I was probably desperate because I am with my white man but that desperation, I Thank God for, because my life in the US, with the exception of my mom,dad siblings, dogs, nieces and nephews still in the Philippines, No accessible cheap Filipino fresh hot foods that you can buy just by walking down the street and cold unbearable below zero winter, is 1000 times much better than in the Philippines.

    1. Mary Jane, you’re an intelligent woman so I believe whatever you have now is what you definitely deserve in life! I’m so impressed with it! I love the internet too, Jon and I kept in touch online!! =)

      1. Thank you! I can say the same thing to you too. Your travels seem so much fun! Who wouldn’t love to travel, anyway. And also, definitely good genes when mixed.

  9. As a young woman who always seen with an older white man,I’m being judge horribly like I’m a hooker or something.But the moment i open my mouth it always shocked them because they dont expect me to be a very educated one.Yes he got attracted with my looks,but that was 5yrs ago when we first met.What makes him fall inlove with me is my good personality.I never ask money from him,there are times that me & my family have to support him because he needs it.People dont see it,because they are ignorant & close minded,they always thought its about money and security.But who cares what they think,we love each other and we are happy and thats all that matters.

    1. That’s another misconception Michelle! You’re definitely right. who cares diba? Just positive vibes!!! =)

  10. Great article. Pero di natin maitanggi na maramI sa kababayan natin na totoo Yung naisulat talaga ang habol, sila Yung mga sumisira sa imahen ng filipina sa ibang bansa. Kakapit nlng kahit kanino para Maka Pag stay… Pero Hindi nman lahat..

    1. Tama… Yong sister ko mag-aasawa ng foreigner.. ako against don sabi ko sa kanya.. huwag kang hihingi ng pera jan.. magtrabaho ka dahil maraming mga foreigner na mababa ang tingin sa mga Filipina.. ng pumunta dito yong bf inasikaso siya ng family ko.. though mahirap lang kami pero pinalaki kami ng aming mga magulang na ang bawat kakainin ay dapat sa sariling pawis nanggagaling, huwag iasa ang buhay sa iba. in fact nka graduate kami ng College kahit working students lang.. @ Kach.. I’m happy for you… 🙂 na inspire naman ako sa buhay mo.. though I’m afraid na ma fall inlove sa foreigner ang baba ng tingin sa atin… :)maygulay! kaya nagsikap akong makapagtapos para ma enjoy ko yong buhay na tatahakin ko.. na hindi aasa sa iba.. hahaha

      1. Post
        Author

        Love to read this! Hindi naman lahat ng foreigner ganun lalo na kapag kasing age mo lang sila! Sana kung dumating yung point na ma-inlove ka sa isa wag mo pigilan ang sarili mo dahil lang sa kung anong iniisip ng ibang tao! =) Educated ka so you’ll find an educated man too! <3 Positive vibes sayo!

  11. There could be a thousand reasons for a Filipina to fall in love with a foreigner. I am 23 years old. I met my Dutch boyfriend thru a female friend whom he chats with on Skype. My friend and I were supposed to apply to get our license as nurses, but when I went to her house, she wasn’t ready yet. She asked me to talk to a new found friend from an Asian dating site and at first I was just being nice so I talked to him while my friend was taking her shower. In the middle of our conversation, he asked me if he can also talk to me on Skype some other time as he finds it fun to talk to a lot of people. I casually said yes without giving my Skype name on that same day. 5 days later I was surprised to get an invitation to be added on his Skype contacts. He asked me if I could still remember him and I said “of course”. Skype talks turned into long text messages, into phone calls into expensive phone bills. hahahha…I fell in love with him because of his wit, his ideals and by the way he looks at me and respects me. I always tell people that he’s not rich because a lot of people stereotype foreigners as someone who’s always well off. I fell in love with how he annoyingly proves his point regarding my difficulty to speak up for myself or overworking at the office. Lastly, I fell in love with him for accepting me as I am, with all the flaws and the mood swings. <3
    PS: Make him count from 1-10 in Bicol dialect and he can fluently say it + a few more Bicolano phrases. 🙂

    1. I agree with Skype, I’ve met Jon for only 2 days then we kept in touch online – skype, facebook, chat! hahaha! Love your story girl!! =)

    1. Thanks Edessa, if you read our other articles. it;s definitely about me /us as it’s our personal website, it’s about our life and travels. Thanks for reading anyway po! =)

  12. Yay! Natapos ko ring basahin ito! 🙂 Anyway, I couldn’t agree more. Logically speaking with the help of my experiences in life, as a mother, as “foreigner’s” Filipina wife and as an English teacher here in China! Natumbok mo, Ning! Ako naman, I met my hubby online. I was working in an import-export company in the Phils. (after I resigned from teaching out of boredom) then part of my job is to check our company’s emails. One day, saw a dating ad (yahoo) clicked it, joined and the rest is history. After 2 years of chatting, he went to the Phils. (on his way to China to teach) we got engaged (I didn’t know he was going to propose) Now, after a decade, we are blessed with 2 beautiful, healthy, happy, smart and silly little girls, Lucy and Alex.

    P.S.
    I’m attaching a photo that reminded me of why I love teaching! 🙂 (I have been teaching since I was 14 years old)

    1. Ate, I kept in touch with Jon online too!! So thankful with technology!! =) I love the picture!! Awesome!! Really love your story!!! =)

      1. Yep, technology is great! Thanks for the compliment! Cheers!

        Off to my part-time job now. Para may maipakain sa mga junakis! 🙂

    2. Well-said, po! God bless you and salamat for inspiring so many with your knowledge! The world needs MORE Filipinos like you! Ingat ka. – Blaise

  13. Thumbs up…same ideology here…
    I’ll be with my special someone all the way from Germany soon ..will be diving the Philippines more .Lot more islands to discover out of 7107. The yoga resort is more than a brilliant idea, I have the same idea too incorporating our island dive resort plan.

    I like your idea of an independent woman ,strong and empowered .
    kudos Kach 😉

  14. I love this article! Every item listed rings true. I think the stereotype is more perpetuated in our home country. Normally, North Americans and Europeans don’t give a fcuk where their lady loves are from. And hail to independent women! 🙂

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