Truth and Lies about Filipinas with Foreigners!

By Kach Umandap - Howe January 8th, 2015 Posted in Inspiration and Love Stories, Travel Blog 517 Comments

(The Real Life Experiences and Criticisms of a Filipina dating a Westerner)

no not from a farmer
No, Jonathan didn’t buy me from a farmer!

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” ― Earl Nightingale

When I quit my job in the Middle East to start my backpacking journey, aside from the other reasons and lies I was telling myself and people around me about why I wanted to leave my corporate life, I actually left because I just wanted to have more time to understand myself, to love me and just to be with myself!

Unexpectedly, during a few days exploring Luang Prabang, Laos, I met Jonathan! If you’re traveling on your own, you’ll meet a lot of travelers – mostly European, and being a backpacker you shouldn’t expect another backpacker to take you to an expensive restaurant –  oh and he’s British btw. After few months of just keeping in touch on facebook while I continued my solo backpacking, Jon and I decided to be officially together, and we’re now together for almost two years! I’m not lucky cuz I’m with a white man – we are BOTH lucky to have each other cuz we deserve the best!

Related Article: Are you planning to travel solo? Check out our DIY Travel Guides here and for cheap hostels around the world, check the list here.)

This is also for all the Filipinas who are being judged for dating a Foreigner instead of our Filipino men! Here are the most common misconceptions that I want to clear up – We would love to hear other Filipinas’ stories so please feel free to share your experience below !

Note: This is based on my personal experience and life story. I’m not generalizing, and if you can relate then awesome, if not, I didn’t intend to offend any of you.

1. I’m dating a Foreigner because I need a Visa or his British passport.

Yes, there are perhaps some Filipinas who have this reason but not in most cases! I was already travelling on my own long before I met Jonathan (well, I’ve met Jonathan while travelling!). Jonathan and I are both long-term travellers and us living and settling down in the UK couldn’t be further from our minds. We both want to buy land to build our very own yoga resort in the Philippines. In fact, Jon keeps asking me about how he can get a permanent resident’s visa in the Philippines. So maybe it’s actually foreign men who need the visa, not the Filipinas!

We Filipinas can also travel to any country in the world with our  Philippines passport so why would we need them if we can already get things on our own!? Ok, so they have more ‘free countries’ than us, but it balances out, because when they pay, they pay big! Also, if you travel in mostly Asian countries, having a Filipino passport has way more advantage than his, he has to pay more than me! UPDATE: We’re engaged and getting married next year! I will be getting a Long-term visa to visit UK but I’m not interested in getting a British passport or citizenship as what others are assuming because we don’t have any plans to live in the UK, as long as my future children will have dual citizenship then that’s great for us!

Even though some Filipinas might need their foreign partner’s visa or passport,  it’s their life choice. Why do you care?

2. I’m dating a foreigner because I need his money.

After completing my economics degree (in UPLB), I worked in the Middle East for four years before starting this journey. I funded my South East Asia backpacking trip with my savings then when Jon and I started living together, we always shared our expenses, from food, rent and everything (that’s the British way, in Tagalog “Kanya kanyang bayad!”).

Yep, unfortunately…wait for it…white people don’t actually shit money! Trust me, I’ve checked! When I met Jon, he had empty pockets and a $300 broken down motorbike. If I was looking for a sugar daddy, I must have been blinded by that magic white skin again!

When we decided to pursue our around-the-world backpacking journey together, we both worked hard to build our initial funds! I even had five freelance jobs at the same time in Hanoi, Vietnam as we wanted to save more than ever! I taught English, yoga classes to children and even handled the Marketing Department of a western-owned company while in Vietnam, oh did I mention that I won a Vietnamese reality TV show?

He works, I work. He saves, I save. Equal partnership!

3. I’m only successful because of my foreigner partner.

No matter what success we experience, people might still think it’s because the Magic white man got us here. I want to be modest here, but straight to the point. Do you really think we Filipinas can’t be successful without the help of any man or even a foreigner? Do you realize that you’re actually insulting yourself?! Well, if you think so, shame on you!

This website was started by me, Jon wasn’t really into it, but with a little persuasion he joined in and started writing too. Now people like his writing and that’s great! We both became yoga teachers and Ayurveda massage therapists because of my crazy idea of supporting our long term travels. All of my teaching, volunteering and freelancing jobs have been through my own research, resourcefulness, and commitment. So don’t tell me that we Filipinas just stay at home, waiting for our partners to feed us!

Even if someone does decide to remain at home to look after the family and home, that’s a personal choice which also involves a lot of hard work.

4. If he marries me, he will marry and support my whole family.

Well, hello! Again, it may happen in some cases, but before marrying their Filipina wife, the foreigner must already have met the family, right? So it was their choice if you still want to marry despite the condition! Unless they slipped it in the wedding vows without him noticing, ‘…to have and to hold, to pay Lola’s medical bills…wait, WHAT THE F#%!$?!’ Unlikely…

We don’t all fit the stereotype, sorry. My parents are both Professional; my younger sister is also a Dentist while my younger brother is about to finish his University degree. We are not rich, but my family lives comfortably, and we were brought up to be independent. Meaning, if you want to do something, you work for it, and you shouldn’t depend on anyone else to just give it to you!

5.  The foreigner is dating me because he needs a slave.

Aha, so being warm and hospitable and loving towards your partner means that you’re a slave? Oh that’s great! I wonder if these people ever stop to consider that these feelings and actions are returned by the man. British and most other westerners are  raised to be very independent. Most of them leave home at the age of 18 and up until then they do household chores; guys and girls! We share the cleaning in our house, but funnily Jon is better and faster at it than I am! Young western kids often have jobs when they are growing up, not because the family is poor, but to earn some of their own money and to get some real life experience and responsibility before leaving school. Jon even leaves the Do Not Disturb sign on the hotel room door because, ‘it feels weird having someone come and clean up after me!’

6. If you’re white, then you’re rich!

Huh! Not all White people are rich; this is a hangover of the American occupation. We’ve had complete independence since 1946 people, get the grip! Western countries have the range of incomes and living standards just like we do. If everyone was rich, who would clean the streets, or do menial tasks that no one else wants to do? Ahh western-style economics, making sure we always have someone poor enough to sweep the streets!

The only real difference is the higher value of their currency in the world, which just makes their own countries very expensive to live in and other countries cheaper to visit! But this only works if they earn money in one of the expensive countries.  It’s the same logic anywhere. And yes, poverty does exist in western countries, it just doesn’t the same impact in a news headline as a photo of a small brown child with flies on her face!

7. Only desperate Filipinas are dating Foreigners!

I’ve dated Filipinos before and was even in a long-term relationship with one!  It’s pretty annoying when people say that “if you can’t find a good Filipino then just look for a foreign man.”  This is also stupid; there are plenty of amazing, loving and faithful Filipino men all over the world. There are good and bad in every country; nationality has very little to do with it!

Again, maybe some Filipinas marry out of desperation, but this could happen in any country, not just in the Philippines.

On the other hand, if you told me that I was only with a  foreigner for his genes, then I might be inclined to agree. I would love our children to have Jon’s blonde hair and blue eyes, with slightly tanned Filipino skin…That might look a bit weird, to be honest, but we’ll let you know when we have some proof! We all know that most of the stars in the Philippines are half and half, perhaps we can make the next Anne Curtis, Sam Milby, and Alden Richards.

Well, I don’t know your reasons why you’re dating your foreign man, I’m dating this foreigner because I love him! Cheers to all Independent Women out there! 


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517 thoughts on “Truth and Lies about Filipinas with Foreigners!

  1. If a filipina married an American male 3yrs ago, but stole his money & now the male is divorcing her-is there ANY way he can get her deported?

  2. really? not true. The reason why filipina married foreigners is because they are the one who could support their needs specially money. I honestly dont beleive in filipinas who keeps on insisting that they truly love the american guy. Filipinas are the one who are the biggest enemy for the amarican guys. They just use american money.

  3. Interesting entry. I have travel to the Philippines many times and always look forward to the adventure. Seems that the people there generally are more concerned about family and loved ones than a person’s sexual orientation or alternative lifestyles. The Philippine President is a prime example. They are also more concerned with the sanctity of a child’s life.

  4. The Filipino will still find a way of getting her hands on the western mans $. That’s the way it is . Doesn’t matter what relative is a doctor or graduate of university of Philippines . The Filipina woman is looking for the payday . They are all grifters.

  5. Hello I find this article useful interesting because I have a foreign man too. We are LDR for almost 4 years we started 2016, but before we have this LDR I have my Filipino boyfriend before and honestly it was devastating experiences I had way back time (I am hardly to moved on for 2years until one day woke up I am finally okay) and then try to join dating site I think it’s “Filipino Cupid” if I don’t forget. There’s a lot of foreign there and mostly they wants sex and pleasure only, but because I am conservative Filipina I refused those kind of man and made me disappointed as I thought they are all the same “pervert and playing around”.

    Until one day there’s an email I received and it look interesting when I open the email I checked the profile of the sender, but made me annoyed and disappointed because the profile is real empty no description not like mine with full of description to describe my self( on my profile I indicate all what I like and my dislikes) after viewing the senders profile, I send an email as reply “Are you hiding from someone?”

    I was mad at that time because I received “HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA” reply, (I was about to smash him if he’s near me I am completely angry ?)

    Fast forward

    Our relationship now is getting stronger ups and down I am always cheering him up. He don’t have a plenty of money yes! Because all I want is HIM, his love to me that made me complete as a woman.

    Oh i forgot to tell you I am a working student, and now 2yrs left and I will graduate and get my diploma and I want him to be proud of me all my life I live like an independent woman and all I want is to be with him all my life I want to be a better woman and show to him that I deserve to be his wife soon.

    We do always video chat every day before I started my day work while him about to sleep. There’s one time that he made me cry because of something or fact that “he is older than me” he told me that he’s older that me and there’s a fact that he will die first before me. I was crying not because I am scared but because I knew already what he means to say but I never think of that way. I really really love my boyfriend I don’t mind about age barrier because with him I felt the love that I really deserve.

    He never disrespect me for almost 4 years he never say rude things to me. What can I ask for more? I have my dream man and nearly getting be together.

    Oh we are 28years gap and we really had similarities, the way we think, likes and dislikes. All I can say is I already met my behalf.

    For 1year way back 2017 to 2018 in his downfall life I never leave him(it’s really hard for us because I can’t comfort him for the reason we are far away to each other) I always cry seeing him with his depression but I can’t tell him how hurt I am because all he wants is for me to be happy ( because he knows my hardships too, study, work, study work).

    All I do is pray for us to be together soon and we are working it out now planning to have holidays together after I graduate that is why I am working so hard now to see him soon.

    I don’t mind other people what they say about our relationship because they don’t know what we struggled to be this far.

    All I care is to be the man I loved. Age is just a number for real, my boyfriend is not rich and I don’t care if other will judge me( because of the reasons of those scammers Filipina ruined our dignity) it’s their problem not mine.

    I dated a Filipino the same age as mine but they are just playing around so what’s different? If other pinays looking for money, me no. I want love, because this isn’t the only thing that you can’t buy money. Money is not permanent but love you can have it forever with the right person.

    Thanks, and have a good day!

    1. Interesting entry. I have travel to the Philippines many times and always look forward to the adventure. Seems that the people there generally are more concerned about family and loved ones than a person’s sexual orientation or alternative lifestyles. The Philippine President is a prime example. They are also more concerned with the sanctity of a child’s life.

  6. Interesting read. Thanks

    There a few different answers to your views above?.

    For example; you come from a professional family yet many Filipinos may come from blue collar life and live in poverty (I’ve travelled throughout the Philippines and have seen plenty). If you date a poor filipina it’s most certain that you’ll expected to help he family. I’ve dated a few filipinas and when I’m working overseas they appreciate it if I send them money.

    And for many less privileged finipinas having a white or Caucasian boyfriend is considered a catch.

    I could on a bit further but just wanted to point out that one needs to understand test there will be varying experiences for western men in the Philippines . I have a few western friends married to filipinas and they do indeed take care of their wives families and sometimes extended family.

    Best wishes all.

  7. I had an ear-to-ear grin after reading your article and was chuckling for days thinking about it so thought I’d share my thoughts and experience of Filipinas.

    So firstly, to the article you wrote, very well put.

    My partner is Filipina and I’m from Australia. Our relationship is based on equality and trust as it’s foundation, not master and slave, nor do I remember ordering my wife from a catalogue, although I have to admit she would look damned good as a model in one! She’d sell a hell of a lot of lingerie and swim suits, has a killer body and is one of the most desirable women you’ll ever meet!

    In fact, in terms of self respect my partner was in my estimation harder to court than any Western fluzy at a pub after a dozen beers that just needs a nibble on the ear to get her to go home with you.

    I spent weeks trying to convince her to take me out.

    Her family wasn’t wealthy and she came from a rural area in one of the off-limits areas where marital law is required and bombings are prevalent (in fact, one of the worst of the worst areas), though you know what? This grounded her in reality and meant she knew the value of life (or lack of it sometimes), the difficulties of surviving, that work was needed to put food on the table and that sacrifices need to be made to get ahead in life.

    When I met her she was also supporting her elderly parents, had a five year old son from an abusive previous relationship with a Filipino man and was working full-time to support them all. How many Westerners do this?

    She also had a passport long before she met me.

    So what is her character like?

    She is fiercely independent, extremely loyal, loving, fair, she listens to me and asks intelligent, thoughtful questions in context with what you’re saying so is therefore an active listener, she’s family-oriented, caring, giving and compassionate… and she’s also great in bed and we’re in tune with each other’s desires!

    To be frank, we met about six months after my first wife of 20 years passed away from a very aggressive cancer that killed her in under two years, and she was what made me want to even keep living. She helped me adjust to the loss, understood that my previous partner still had a place in my life, she honoured my previous partner and still goes with me to my previous partner’s resting place to place flowers on her wall plaque every week because she knows how much my previous partner meant to me and that it was a love story cut short.

    She understood loss because living in the Philippines isn’t all paved roads and supermarkets and is often tragedy, mud, death from disease, trying to scrounge for food to put on the table and often sleeping on the floor in a fibro or corrugated iron shed of an uncle, auntie or friends of the family just to stay dry and sometimes living in a room with 10 other people just to survive, especially in rural areas.

    Does my Filipina partner still sound like a mail order bride to you? She’s certainly no geisha or flower that wilts in the first sun and is more of a soldier that’s been through more in her life then most Westerners can ever imagine.

    Most Westerners wouldn’t last a week in the slums of the Philippines where anything that stays still long enough is going to be roasted for dinner, including rats.

    I grew up in some pretty bad neighbourhoods in Melbourne, so know what the streets can dish out and the Philippines makes hard people, though it also makes caring people that roll with the punches in whatever life throws at them.

    Point of fact : there are still a lot of racist, bigoted morons on the planet that whilst apparently being “supremely white” don’t realise they’ve been left far behind in terms of reality and that gene diversity and multi culturalism are in fact creating stronger people than isolationist, idealistic views solely derived from ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

    My partner is the toughest, classiest broad you’ll ever met in terms of intestinal fortitude and courage and she’s pragmatic too. I like tough women and she’s like my previous partner in that regard.

    Mail order bride… ahuh, yeah right! Filipinas are the kind of woman you want standing beside you in battle actually. Treat them well and they’ll be your life partner. Treat them badly and welcome to Hell… “Happy wife, happy life” ring any bells?

    If you’re thinking of looking for a mail-order bride that’s subservient, then look somewhere else… You’re not going to find push-overs in the Philippines. And yes, we share all bills too…

    Guys, Daisy and I want to come travelling with you next time you go on a trip. We’re in!

  8. Why is there a stereotype about Philippinos and not about French women? I am just wondering. That is all.

  9. That’s hilarious. So true. Fucin old men with teenage girls. How can a country allow this. Population control and more sex education is required here. Yes they do have compassion for health care, as I have experience, that I will admit.

  10. May 15 2019
    I see most of your comments are by the female gender. I married a girl, worked in Canada and had very small family in the Philippines. As I had been dating Asian women before I understand the need to support their families. No problem. Moved down to the Philippines and problems started. The attitudes of Philippino people against me is staggering. ” Joe ” what’s that. Too much here to post, anyways I couldn’t care less about these idiots. Her brother, now that’s everything in one package. The lack of support I get from my wife too makes want to warn all to stay single. Her response to him is that ” that’s just Philippino men ” what… They get to be completely useless…. Doesn’t bath, clean, help or speak English, even if he’s educationed. Doesn’t close the door when he urinates, cover his mouth when coughing, clips nails and hair throughout the house, only thinks about himself. I can’t imagine if the shoe was on the other foot, my house my investment, my concerns, my caring about the environmental impact. Doesn’t care regardless. One guy here, unlike my friend Paul with 40 individuals in his family, he made the mistake in opening his wallet. God rest his soul, as he passed away this year, probably stress related. I can appreciate the attraction I get from the Philippinos. Feel like a movie star, but now I have realized it’s the wallet that’s shining. Example, 68 year old Tony with a 38 year old girl, why….. I’ve read another website here, that explains the complications like you have. It’s a manual for guys like me…. Huh…? Why wasn’t that in the contract I signed for marriage. I don’t feel this should be part of any relationship. We Canadians deal with the gold-diggers and chain smokers, but not the whole bullshit outside of this. I have tried to comprehen the Philippinos ways and excuses are all that comes out. People marry and deal with problems together. Philippino, their way, no matter what the problem is. My wife can’t see how she is being manipulated through her brother. He has food, shelter, entertainment, and money to care for my two cats, from our funds, to watch our home, and he can’t even get off his ass to do anything.

    1. The problem sounds like it might be you. You need to grow a pair and set ground rules when it comes to family. They ARE your family, so expect to help out, but directly address “How much” helping out you are willing to do, what type of help it is, and WHO will be in your family circle. Supporting her third cousin just because of pressure from the family is a big no.

      If I were in he states and my parent (or parents) were elderly and in need, I’d let them move in rather than send them to a home… Or maybe pay extra to keep them in a private nursing facility versus a state home/hospital. This is no different. Maybe cheaper. Helping family… within reason.

      Usually if your bride tries to set boundaries like this and attempts to convey your thoughts her family will tell her she’s “changed” and we both know that’s a bit too much for most Filipinas to withstand without giving in. You need to do it. You need to have the discussion… You need to relocate the brother (assuming he’s an adult) even if it costs you now. No free rides. If he’s a minor under your care then it’s REALLY time to put the hammer down.

      I’m personally okay with $200.00 per month towards the immediate family and any emergency medical expenses if they arise. They can spend the $200 on food and clothes, or they can spend it on karaoke… I don’t care. The well runs dry after it’s spent. In MY case I know it’s needed and spent on necessities. Some may say I’m cheap… Others will only budget $50/month. Whatever works for you is fine but stick to it. NO exceptions.

      My plan has changed over the years as my Filipina is STUBBORN and was never comfortable with me sending the money. This, even though SHE couldn’t tell them “No” under pressure of her family so she started working. Her money goes home, and she’s held to the $200.00 rule. I’ll admit that GIFTS sent home have certainly improved since she’s been the one paying for them!

      Time to make changes before you become a door-mat. Let your wife know those changes will happen with OR without her. Think about it… Does she love and respect you? Will she stand with you or is she in it for her family? It’s time to find out if you need to swap positions of the “A” and the “E” in your first name.

  11. This author may be the exception but over 90 percent of Filipinas are money-grubbing human cockroaches. And no not every Filipino can get a USA visa. They want a white man to pay for them and their extended family. This is why you see losers with Filipinas in the USA. They have been long disowned by their families, have had drug issues, etc. Hence some become backpackers and “travelers.” This is called “being unemployed.” What little money they do have is more than anyone gets from being a prostitute on the third world island of floating garbage known as the Philippines. On a positive note most Filipinas are beautiful and very intelligent and get good jobs in the USA (usually nurses) and end up supporting their loser husband.

    1. projecting. sounds like you got scammed because of your stupidity or you just can’t find a Filipina that is into you aside from your money (if you have it). lmao SO BITTER

      1. 90%? … Let me adjust the figure to be 100% of the one single Filipina that saw a fool looking to lose his money.

        Every country has scammers. It’s you horny fools that don’t research and learn… You don’t use common sense and let your “little head” do the thinking… You are so excited to take advantage of an “easy thing” that YOU, yourself, become the easy thing.

        Put any (Ignorant) rich foreigner in the U.S. or Canada and there will be THOUSANDS of gold diggers looking for a sugar-daddy if he’s stupid enough to open his wallet. When the money is gone, so are they…

        Who put this idea in your head that the Philippines is some sort of utopia that only breeds perfect spouses? YOU did (probably with some ill-advised YouTube info), and you paid for it.

  12. I honestly think you Filipinas date white guys for another reason:

    – White washed. I’m not filipino but I assume Filipinas are attracted to white and have grown up with a media that shows white as the top of the race and beauty charts or something. Reason why is because there has to be a reason why Filipinas are racist when it comes to dating — being only open to dating white men over any other race including their own.

    You can make the claims “not all of us” but when the ratio is that high then the “smaller %” who are open to non white (or sorta white looking) men are of low significance.

    In fact, go to LA, NYC, UK, Dubai, or whereever.. find 20 filipinas who are in a relationship. If you manage to get atleast 1 who is dating a non white/filipino male (who she met outside of the philippines) then you’ve just found something rarer than a shooting star.

  13. Yeah for you two! I am happy y’all are happy. Too many nosy people and haters out there. You wrote in the intro “I’m not lucky cuz I’m with a white man ” and I had to laugh a bit because I just got thru reading Asian-American Sexual Politics by Rosalind S. Chou and after reading that I feel a sort of outrage for Asian women who are with white men who exploit them so I think it is funny that some in your culture would find you licky to have a white man. After reading that book, the parts about exploitation by white men, it leaves a bad feeling.

    I can tell you and your man are equals and travelers and have a lot in common-ENJOY!

    I am “white” but married to a Mexican-American and have had a few people assume he loves rap because he is Hispanic, which is hilarious because he does not, I do.

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Written by Kach Umandap - Howe

Co-Founder of Two Monkeys Travel Group. Since 2013, Kach has visited all the 7 continents (including Antarctica) and 120 countries using her Philippines Passport. In 2016, she got married then a year later bought a sailboat and is now on sailing adventures with her two cats - Captain Ahab & Little Zissou in the Caribbean. She writes about her experiences traveling as a Filipina traveler with a PHL Passport. Also tips on backpacking trips, luxury hotel experiences, product reviews, sailing & adventure travel.

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